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Are You in an Abusive Relationship ??

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After what seemed like an eternity in the month of January, it is finally February and it is officially the month of love. With Valentine’s Day as the focus of this month, many get ready to celebrate and acknowledge their significant other. Flowers, chocolate, and teddy bears are bought to express the love people have for each other along with cards filled with poems and letters. But along with a healthy and safe relationship many overlook how there are people that are stuck in an abusive relationship and don’t know how to get out of it, or don’t even realize they are in one. With this holiday, those who are victims to domestic violence are given a false hope of “Hey maybe he/she isn’t like this after all,” only to see that the next day nothing has changed. It is important for everyone to know the signs of abuse and how to get away from it.

Now the first question is, what is domestic abuse anyways? Domestic violence is the unnecessary outburst of a person who channels it into physical aggression onto their partner. The outburst can be a result of stress (economic is most common), poor control over impulse (result of alcohol abuse), and lack of being able to cope. The abuse can present itself in many forms, whether it be physical, verbal, emotional, and/or sexual. Domestic violence in a relationship between two people can become a cycle that has 3 phases and continues regularly. These phases start off with tension between both parties. The second phase involves abuse, and the third phase is known as “The Honeymoon Phase” where the batterer (the one who is the abuser) will tend to apologize and seem sincere. Many of victims who are in the 3rd phase tend to avoid looking for help. It is important to know the signs of domestic abuse to be able to prevent it so this nasty cycle can be stopped.

It can be hard to recognize whether your partner is exhibiting inappropriate behavior, so here is a questionnaire that can help . . . .

“To help you figure out a little bit more about your relationships we’ve put together this questionnaire. Each question is designed to help you highlight inappropriate behaviour from your partner, so simply answer “yes” or “no” to each one and then add up your total scores to help understand if you are in an abusive relationship.”-


1. Has your partner ever criticised you to the point that you have cried?

2. Does your partner yell at you regularly?

3. Does your partner try to limit your contact with your friends and family?

4. Has your partner ever asked you to change clothes before going out in public?

5. Does your partner make you feel silly or stupid on a regular basis?

6. Does your partner make fun of you to others?

7. Has your partner ever hit you or otherwise physically touched you in anger?

8. Does your partner make hurtful remarks about your appearance, intelligence and/or personal tastes?

9. Has your partner ever told you that (s)he is the best thing that has ever happened to you?

10. Has your partner ever told you that if (s)he leaves you that you no one else will want to be with you?

11. Has your partner ever forced you to do something that you were uncomfortable with?

12. Does you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behaviour, both to yourself and others?

If you answered “yes” to between one and four questions then you are obviously in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to care about you as a person. When someone discredits your thoughts, feelings and opinions they are clearly demonstrating that they do not value you. Think long and hard about why you are with this person before continuing this relationship. If this person has ever hit you or forced you to do something that you were uncomfortable with, get out of this relationship immediately!

If you answered “yes” to between five and eight questions then you are likely in an abusive relationship. Abuse comes in many forms, including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. While it’s hard to offer an exact definition of what abuse looks like the variety of behaviours that your partner is exhibiting do seem to add up to being abusive. Stop making excuses for this person and end your relationship now. The sooner you leave the sooner you can find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated – with respect!

If you answered “yes” to more than eight questions then you are probably in an abusive relationship. There is no reason that you need to put up with such appalling behaviour from your partner. If you feel that you can not handle this situation by yourself then confide in a trusted friend or adult, but do something to move towards ending this relationship immediately.


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